-not just touched--by a guy like that you don't sit there like it's nothing. 1) How can you when he is who he is?--and yeah, you don't know who he is, but I do, and I can tell you that you can't. 2) That's a total blow to the male esteem. Lack of response to physical contact like that is pretty much saying, "fuck off." She didn't even smile or shudder or sigh. So, I'm going to let it all go. That's all I can do. I can't say, "hey, whatever you feel for her, she's only going to hurt you in the end," because he wouldn't listen. And I definitely can't say that I wouldn't hurt him because I have no idea if he's interested and I'm not sure that I wouldn't. But yeah....that's pretty much my resolution on that front.Speaking of resolutions, I've decided I want to lose some weight. So I went out tonight and bought a journal to record my habits in and a scale to keep track. I was slightly (read: extremely) trepidatious about stepping on the scale. I haven't exactly done said action in three years or so. But upon doing so, I was relieved to find that I actually weigh 20lbs less than I though. Which is a good thought. I don't have as far to go as I previously believed. So tomorrow, it starts. I have full confidence that I can achieve my goal. Yes, I can. Are those baked goods I smell?
Among making a few resolutions today, I stepped outside as I was heading to the store and realized I need sunshine and fresh air and to be surrounded by life. So, what else was there to do except go to Point Isabel and walk around the dog beach? I love dogs, it's no secret. Animals in general are great, but there's just sometime spectacular about canines. Wh
o ever said animals don't love was a fucking moron. Obviously they've never spent time with a dog in their life. For instance, today while walking along the inlet, I was feeling a bit sad, mostly missing my own dogs--and a bit disappointed about some things that happened last night (don't get me wrong, it was an amazing party, and I had a great time hanging out with everyone, but there was more than just the secret issue that occurred)--so as I walked with my head sagging, up comes this Doberman mix who runs up to me and stops, tongue wagging telling me, "I know you need to pet, so please, pet me." He was right, I did need that. God, I love dogs. I also took some pretty pictures which I've littered throughout the post.So what else happened last night? Well, a girl who went to high school with me and was friends with this guy, we'll call him T, knew one of my choir friends and showed up. Which was totally fine. She's really a great person, and she's super nice, even though she seems a bit stand-offish before you get to know her. But we were talking about how I took time off and then she said, "Yeah, [T] was worried you wouldn't come back." T...whom I think it should be obvious is someone I've had feelings for...talked about me with her. Worried about me with her. And, I know she's not the only person he's talked to about me. It kind of set off this melancholy that always erupts when I think of him. T can't talk to me, but he can sure talk to other people about me. Fucking ironic. So I may have gotten a bit drunk after this and drunk dialed a friend of mine. He hasn't called back or anything, so maybe he doesn't know it was me. Yeah, that must be it.
Other than that, honestly, the party was fucking great. I had an awesome time. There were awesome drinks and food and people. We danced to music I've pretty much never heard before and laughed and talked. Fan-fucking-tastic. It would have been even better if I never heard her utter T's name. I don't even care about the other thing I talked about earlier that much. Because honestly, I just had such a great time hanging out with him and the others that it didn't matter. He's just a cool person.
Tomorrow--well, now today--is Sunday, I have three plays to read, two papers to write, and still have math to do. Oh fuck, oh fuck, where did the weekend go?
1 comment:
oooo, sounds like you have tons of work to do!! But I'm glad you had fun.
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