Cha, Cha, Cha, Cha, Changes

So, where have I been? What have I been doing? Why have I been gone? Perhaps these are not questions that have crossed your mind, but they do happen to cross my own. I feel a bit guilty for not having even visited my blog since my last post--well....my last real post. I suppose video posts don't really count. How shall I begin....let's start from the beginning, I think that's always a good place to start.

Went home for Thanksgiving break on the 20th of November. That night went and got six bottles of wine on the way home. Flirted with the guy at the winery for a bit. Went home, ate Chinese food with the family, and joked for a while with my cousins. If only it were that peaceful.....But it wasn't. It never is. When we got home we found the water heater had rusted through and was leaking. So we had no hot water and had to spend $400 on a new water heater the next day: my birthday. Spent all day on the 21st installing the water heater, but we did manage to go out for dinner and drinks and then head over to the casino. Which I really shouldn't have done. 1) I don't gamble. 2) Smoking is legal inside the Indian casinos. 3) I'm asthmatic. So I had a bit of fun drinking at the bar there, but I suffered for the next three weeks because it induced a nice, long, and uncomfortable spell of bronchitis....this of course all coming before finals. That picture to the left is the lighting ceremony of the Mission Inn which I went to during Thanksgiving break.

So I missed the next two weeks of class and had to study and write two papers while working and rehearsing and going to the hospital about every morning to get a breathing treatment. One paper was on Shakespeare. Two page paper...nothing really. The other, however, turned out to be a 27 page research paper on a building on campus and it's frat history. This included pictures and charts, so really, it was about 7 pages of type. Still it's not easy when you're sleeping 18 hours a day and working and rehearsing for another 6.....yeah.....Not an easy task. I managed to do alright though. Pulled off an A in anthro and a B in Shakespeare........but I have to take calc again because I got a D. Can everyone say fuck? So can I. Fuck.

Amid this was some partying. Of course I thought I felt better--well enough to go to the party. But I really wasn't and after a night of drinking I ended up sick again. I had to go to these parties though. A certain person was there....a certain attractive person. I also hosted a party. Twas a wine and cheese party. Good fun. A lot of people showed up this time too--which made me happy, but I think I'll stick to the smaller get-togethers at my place. People are messy and I spent a lot of the party cleaning up after them. Of course we had fun. Can't complain about the company...just the mess. We ended up playing charades from about half past ten until after one in the morning. Memories like this make me feel the all the money and time I dedicate to my social life are worth it--and it really is worth it.

Did I mention I was in a skit at work? Probably not considering I haven't blogged since--I don't even remember. Well, I was. It was a musical parody on 007. I played a technician for the mad scientist. I may working with nobel-prize winning, genius geneticists, and hard-working accountants, but that doesn't mean they don't like to party and do crazy shit like parodies. I love my job. That picture there is from the day of the performance. I wish I had more to say...I never seem to have enough to say....well, weeks past the fact.

Hmmm....what next. Came home on the 21st of December for Christmas break and I'm leaving the 2nd, but I don't have to go back to class until the 22nd. I just really don't think I can stay with my mom for much longer. I love her, but living with her....well, there's a reason I go to school 500 miles away. Christmas went well, and my family's actually been good company. We went to the aquarium on the 28th and then I got together with my friends that night. We went a bit crazy and decided to go to a sex shop and then after discovering there were no movies we wanted to see, went to get pie. Oh man, it was funny.

And now I'm sitting here on New Year's Day--just a few minutes after midnight--contemplating what my resolutions for this year will be. Every year we all try to make some changes. I for one am going to focus on some small changes that perhaps will make me a bit happier. Not that I'm not happy, but I could be happier. We could all be happier.

Pachelbel Rant

Because I'm a youtube whore.

Noteworthy - Pocket Watch

Ok...I'm not freaking out and I'm not watching this non-stop. Yeah, I so am, but this is my favorite song ever. Not just my favorite Noteworthy song, but my favorite song. You know the last video I posted, well this is from the actual show I went to. I waited all day for this song. And it was worth it (esp. the "something rumbling, mmmmhm").

It gets worse before it gets better...

Supposedly. I haven't blogged for one reason: I have acute bronchitis and this makes me not want to blog because if I blog I'll laugh at myself and induce a coughing fit. But I shall return...stronger and with better stories than ever before.

Gah!

Just got home from spending the week with my family for my birthday and Thanksgiving. I now need sweets, hot tea, movies, and lots of peace and quiet. More soon....

Let me explain

Ok, so I haven't exactly blogged the past two days. I do feel guilty. But it's been a hectic weekend that has pretty much climaxed this Monday morning. Hopefully the rest of the week will be much better, especially since it's my birthday this week. Yeah, a good 21st would be wonderful--though I'm not sure it's possible. Things that would make my birthday great? 1) If B (the guy who I've been "crushing" on) were to wish me a Happy Birthday. 2) Seeing Alex and Mae. 3) Winning something at the casino on Wednesday. 4) Getting a decent present--stupid, I know, but I never really get anything I like because, well, I'm a very hard person to shop for...not really, but everyone seems to think so. 5) If Holly were to call me--even though she can't unless she got to a payphone in Denmark and she's dealing with a lot right now. 6) If the whole weekend went by without hearing from or of T--because, secretly, I would like to hear from him, but it would be better for me if I didn't hear from him and I heard from B instead. That would make me happiest because then I can forget T............I think those are enough hopes. I really do hope B wishes me happy bday. I'm so juvenile like that. But it would show that he pays attention to me and it would give me hope....even if he only knew through a facebook reminder. Because, when it comes to men, noticing the reminder is a big step.

So why has this weekend been so hectic you ask? Ok you didn't, but I'll assume you did. Well, on Friday night, I went to the UCB Noteworthy show with Katie, Sean, and Katie's housemate Julia where I met up with Emma and her friend (or was she her roommate...), Arlene, as well; before which, I went to dinner with Katie, Sean, and Julia at House of Curries--for the second time that week. This time, however, I didn't get the Lamb Vindaloo which leaked all over my bag last time. I got the Chicken Tikka Masala; actually, all of us got the same thing. It was fucking amazing. No wonder everyone orders that. Yeah, then we went to the show of the group I posted the video of. They were amazing. There were other groups performing too as guests, but Noteworthy made my night. Then I made the mistake of going home early instead of sticking around and going to the after-party that Katie ended up going to. But I had a lot to do the next day and I was tired. I slept a whole 4 hours....the other 6 I just tossed and turned.

Saturday I went to Old Navy to go and buy some shirts because all of mine are short sleeve and it's getting pretty damn cold. So I went and got a few shirts, a really cute pencil shirt and one of my birthday presents: a coat. I really needed one and it's a really nice cropped peacoat, which I love because I get the look of the peacoat without the box look. So I shopped. I would have gone into Sephora but I also bought a Cashmere sweater--which I now have to take back because upon further inspection, I've found a hole in it. This makes me sad because it can't just be fixed and it was the last one in my size in light gray. Figures. So then I got home, spent 5 hours making a cake for the lunch party the next day. Only the filling didn't stick--it kept separating--so I really didn't finish the cake until the next morning when I got some more eggs and tried again. Oh, and the spun sugar I was making to decorate it got too moist and beaded instead of drying. I was not happy.

But on Sunday I woke up at six, after only sleeping another four hours, and I went to get more ingredients, came back and cleaned and cooked and then got ready to go pick some people up. I picked up Katie, Emma, and Kirsten--who knows and appreciates my cooking skills--and they came over and we watched To Wong Foo while I finished making lunch. It took me until 3--when Lydia (who I changed the date for in the first place), Jenn, and their boyfriends showed up. Perfect timing! Go me! Overall, the whole lunch thing was great. There were 8 of us total and I'm glad there weren't many more because I have no idea how that would have went. As it was they completely finished it off. Apparently, my cooking is so good, seconds are required. I served chocolate covered caramels, salad, vegetable alfredo (with portabella mushrooms, asparagus, onions, and bell peppers), and bread--oh and of course, the cake. Which was good, though I'll never make it again because it was a pain in the ass and I still wasn't satisfied with the filling--though the Ganache was pretty amazing.

After the party me and Katie went to the Alumni Chorus concert where we met Sean (again) and Kimmianne and Krystin and others. It was really good. Though their diction needed help. After the concert we spent most of the rest of our time together insisting that instead of singing "chariot ride" they were singing "cherry pie" and proceeding to make up comedic lyrics to go with this idea. It was fun. Very fun. I do like hanging out with choir people. They're so....animated and vocal...like me.

Today, however, sucked. I got up 5 minutes before I had to leave for Anthro discussion without having remembered to write my two page paper and so I'm checking my email before I leave and my best friend wrote me back. I got really excited because I miss her and every letter from her makes me so happy. This one made me concerned and helpless. Her friend there that was the whole reason Holly got to go to Denmark had a heartattack in the shower and died. I didn't know her, but Holly did, so I'm sure I would have liked her. But the worst part is Holly's in pain and she's 12,000 miles away and I can't be there for her. She doesn't get phone reception there and I'm not close enough to go there for her. And all I have to get a hold of her is email. I'm so worried. I hope she doesn't feel guilty that she couldn't help her. I just wish I could help her make reason of all this but I can't. I just want to hug her.

Anyways, top picture is the caramels I made, the next is that hazelnuts I rustically cracked with hammer, and then of course the five hour cake!

Noteworthy

This is a sample of what I got to listen to tonight. This is actually a clip from the UCCE Halloween show, but tonight was just as good. I do love Noteworthy.

Dedication

I'm keeping my promise to myself. I'm posting everyday whether I feel like posting or not. This is a good thing because if I can do this, I can surely do anything else. Like making sure I write down what I'm eating and running errands in a time-appropriate manner. Yeah, stuff like that.

Why did I bother throwing a dinner party? Really...why try? I shouldn't be this pessimistic. I mean, so what that after all the effort I've put into it, the one person I wanted more than anything to be there says she still probably can't make it. I really wanted her to be. I miss her. I used to live with her. And she was great. Granted, we're both different people now. I suppose it doesn't help she's so busy with band and school and her bf. I'm busy too. So yeah, chances are 6 people will show up. I guess that's not too bad. I didn't want it to be too big, so yeah. I haven't heard back from a lot of people still. I mean, yeah, I only gave a week's notice, and yeah, it's the week before Thanksgiving. I should host another one before finals. I should put it up now. Maybe that would get a better response. But why the fuck should I try if it's just going to end up as disappointing as this?!

So I got to run my first errand to campus at work today. A cold package got delivered to campus instead of the USDA for one of our PIs (our Heads of the Labs) and I got to run and get it. It was packed with dry ice and wrapped in Styrofoam 6 inches thick. I felt so important carrying that package around. I was somebody. I was a scientist. I looked important. Want to know what was inside? A cloning kit. Fucking awesome.

Nylon stains

Not posting a long one tonight. I'm not feeling very well. I think it's a combination between the Lamb Vindaloo--which leaked all over the inside of my backpack despite being in a box and a bag--and my upcoming party. After I changed the date I haven't heard back from a certain person who was unavailable on Saturday night (totally not the reason I changed the date. I changed it to accommodate my ex-roommate who was going to a ska show that night). This person better fucking respond. I'm not taking no for an answer.

Echo, echo, echo

So today my phone rings. I decide to ignore it because, as usual, I'm in the kitchen. This time making Chocolate Covered Caramels--my first trial in confection making. But I swear for the longest time after the ring, I still heard it echoing through the house. Mind you, the ringtone on my phone is the theme from the office. It's really catchy. Maybe I'm just going through Office withdraws. That's a very likely possibility.

Ok, so speaking of TV shows, I have a message for Hollywood. Give into the writer's demands. I know you're all fat cats and don't want to share the wealth, but you don't need to make that much and the actors don't really need to make around a million an episode--it's just ridiculous. I swear, if this strike doesn't end soon and Pushing Daisies and Grey's go off the air, there will be blood. Millions of screaming fangirls will stalk you for the only purpose of getting their pound of flesh. So for the sake of your wellfare and that of tv watchers in America, meet the demands. Even Arnold wants you to.

So yeah, not much to blog about today. I'm kind of....sleepy and out of it. I think I'm getting sick. Of course, it could be because I took a nap before work and was an hour late because I didn't hear my alarm clock go off. It's not a big deal where I work if you're late. They compensate if you need to get work done and stuff. So I came in and did my job and left an hour later because it really only takes me an hour to do everything they give me to do in a three hour period. My mind is always fuzzy for hours after naps. I think I'm still experiencing some of that. It's like I don't wake up all the way. The REM is gone but the mind doesn't switch over. I really shouldn't nap anymore.

I changed my dinner party to a lunch party the next day. Hopefully that will be more accommodating to people's schedules. They must now come. They have no excuse.

Home for the Holidays

Next Tuesday afternoon I will be on a plane home. I haven't been home in two months. Oddly enough, other than missing my dogs--and, yes, even my mother, occasionally--I'm okay with that. It's kind of nice to see these people only on certain occasions; I find myself taking them for granted less and less. I have to say, I've never had a hallmark family Christmas. There's always arguing and too much television and not enough care put into the whole day. Call me sentimental, but I always imagined the holidays being spent around the fire with wine glasses in hand, dressed your Sunday best. Yet another ideal Hollywood has implanted into my mind. Maybe this year it will be different. Small, yes. Full of arguing, of course. But hopefully, a little warmer and more to my liking.................maybe next year.

With Thanksgiving, of course, comes Christmas. I feel entirely unprepared for this day. Usually, I make gifts. Last year I made my cousins blankets, my uncle and grandmother socks, and my mother a magnetic spice set (which she claims to love dearly). You can see an example of my fine work to your left and above the mini-tree I made last year. I handcrafted that star on top myself from gold jewelry wire. This year.....well, who knows. Will I get a chance to throw something together? Probably not. Maybe I'll just garnish the wrapping with handmades...like crocheted snowflakes. Maybe beaded snowflakes. Maybe I'll just throw everything in a bag. Yeah, that sounds most likely.

How did I get to be this way? If anyone was a feminist and an icon for self-sustaining women, it was I. Now I knit, bake, pretend to sew, craft, read Martha Steward, disdain Rachel Ray, and find pleasure in creativity and "homemaking" activities. I'm truly a trader to my own ways. I suppose as I got older, however, I realized that it's not bad to do these things. It's bad if you let them define you. I don't. First and foremost, I'm a student who will be a doctor--a very talented surgeon who will be renown the world over.

Yesterday, I went to Costco and I got my pizza!!! Yay. I no longer feel like I settled. It was yummy. I do love pizza. I also got some souffle and two sweet baguettes which I used to make my finest creation: apricot cherry bread pudding. Its moist and yummy. Though, the recipe called for caramel sauce. I made it, but I didn't like it and so I poured it in a mold to make chews. It was too sweet. I've never been a huge caramel fan anyways. But the bread pudding is delicious. It's fruity and thick and creamy. Most people cut the crust off of the bread. But to me this seemed ridiculous seeing as 1) I was using baguette and 2) I like the crust. I don't think I would have had enough bread if I had cut off the crust anyways. The sweet baguette--the perfect bread to use in bread pudding.

I'm holding a dinner party on Saturday. Thought it would be fun to do something for the holidays. So far, only one person is coming for sure. 6 people can't. I am sad.

Hello Jane

(Note: this was not an original idea. *hangs head in shame* I was blog surfing today and happened upon--and stole it from--70x7 so this can be credited to Sarah.)

Dearest Jane,

I know it's been a long time since you and I have talked. I would say it's been around 10 years. You don't remember me do you? Yeah, you were always good at suppressing the past. Though I can't imagine why you'd want to suppress this moment, this year, this you. I'm sure I'll give you a reason to sooner or later, just as I have so many times before. If you can bare with me a little longer--I know how busy you are with your rotations and such--I have a few questions.

1) Did you ever find someone who will sing you to sleep at night? Probably not. I'm sure you're in no rush, but I just never saw you as the type of person to marry when you were older. I'm afraid that if you didn't find it by now, you just never will. If you have found someone, what's he like? Please tell me you didn't settle. I'm so afraid that this pattern of settling will permeate into other aspects of my life. He wouldn't be anything like the one I'm hung up on now, would he? I know you remember him. You never forget a flame. How's T? You don't know? That's for the best, trust me.

2) How was school? Did it kill you or make you stronger? How'd you ever get through calc? Am I going to have to retake this semester? Was it odd being two years older that most people in your graduating class? I'm sorry I fucked up so badly before. But we needed the time off. What's med school like? Did I have the stomach for working with cadavers? I'm sure I did. I must have been fine. Was I?

3) Do you talk to anyone from Cal? Anyone from high school? Is Holly still your best friend? I hope she is because she's closer than anyone to me. I'd hate to lose that over the years, despite the rough patches and the distance. Did she do anything with her life? She's always been so brilliant but tied down by circumstance. I think she's always envied us. I would do anything for her, I hope you would too. Speaking of friends, how's Sara? Is she off on great adventures that you two recount every night?

4) What's it like being a doctor? Is it gratifying? Are you wishing I had chosen a different major? Probably not. That's not like you. I hope it's all worth it--that's all.

Well, you probably have lives to save and a warm bed to go home to--preferably with someone warming it up for you. It was nice. I hope talking to me didn't freak you out too much. I'm part of you though. I hope you've remembered that, no matter how much you've changed or how much better you've become. You were me.

Love Always,
Jane

Un Coeur En Hiver

Want to know how much homework I managed to get done today? Prepare yourself. None. Zip. Nothing. I watched movies today and made acorn squash and got a manicure and pedicure, so it was a pretty unproductive day, overall. But that's ok. Not only is it Saturday. Not only did Cal lose to USC--which we all knew they would. But today it has rained all day. So, I think that makes it the perfect day to just chill out and watch some movies--particularly ones I haven't seen before. Obviously, I knew last night that it would rain today....hence the reason I went to Blockbuster. It's amazing how intuitive my laziness can be.

So, today I watched Talk to Me with Don Cheadle and Chiwetel Ejiofor (who was gorgeous in the movie, as he is in all his movies--for further reference, see Serenity, Inside Man, Love Actually, and Kinky Boots....yes, Kinky Boots). If you don't know about it, it's a Hollywood version of a true story about a radio DJ in DC in the 60s who was a major tv and radio personality for the African American community, and hence, a pretty notable figure during the Civil Rights Movement. It didn't deal too much with his effect on the African American community or with his own personal demons, but it did deal with his relationship with his friend, and manager, Dewey Hughes. I thought it was pretty good, though I wish it included a little more about his impact on the Civil Rights Movement.

Then, the other movie I just finished watching was a French film V recommended to me today when she came out of her cave. It's called Un Coeur En Hiver or A Heart in Winter. It's basically about this man who is emotionally closed off and though at times he finds himself wanting to feel and reciprocate with others, he can't. It was good. V chose the word "haunting" to describe it. I definitely think I would use the word "baffling." Or perhaps the phrase "baffling to the senses." I liked the movie, but I spent most of it trying to figure out this man, Stephane, and I couldn't. I don't know if he really did love or if he wanted to love but couldn't. I found myself angry at his lack of compassion and his indecisiveness and the somewhat manipulative grin he carried on his face throughout the whole film. I think I wanted more from the actor--more lifelessness or more distance. He never seemed to reach the point where he was anywhere but at a crossroads. Even the resolution of the film didn't unravel these knots they tied in the beginning. I would watch it again, but as far as recommending it to someone, highly unlikely I'd find someone who would appreciate it.

I ate at Jack in the Box again and this time I got, what I believed to be, a healthier burger. Nope. It was 700 calories instead of 770. Whoopee, 70 calories less. It wasn't exactly the most grandiose of burgers either. It was just cheese and meat and ketchup and mayo on a bun. I don't understand. It also left me feeling unsatisfied. I had wanted to eat pizza, which is just as many calories, but more filling and yummy. Not just any pizza, but Costco pizza--which is exactly the same as Sam's Club pizza (which is my favorite). But I was lazy and because that and me being lazy, I didn't go to Costco to get my soda and I didn't get pizza. I am now angry at myself for settling. I hope this doesn't appear in different aspects of my personality.

I got bored today and decided I didn't want to be bored tomorrow...but my friends are mostly out of town this weekend, seeing as it's the three day weekend. Gah....I need attention dammit. And my manicurist squared my nails. I came in with beautifully rounded nails and she squared them...making them shorter. I so don't like people asserting their beliefs in nails upon me. Now my fingernails look fat.

My First Trip to Blockbuster

I have betrayed the very ethics I used to preach. Having worked for a very long time at a wonderful, independently owned video store, I have now been forced to make the switch to a Blockbuster....and despite the prices and the fact that this one doesn't carry Hamlet, I kind of liked my first trip there. They had a really good selection and they had plenty of copies--though they were still out of two movies I wanted to see. That's ok, I didn't want to rent too many two day movies anyways. The thing that impressed me most was their TV on DVD section. They had a lot and that made me happy because I never have time to watch TV when it's on, so I'm a big fan of the sets. Tonight I rented Much Ado About Nothing (*cough*NOTING*cough*), Confetti, Talk to Me (which I'm surprised is already out), and Monk season 1 disc 1. I got some yummy garlic butter popcorn too in nice little individual serving size bags. And to my surprise, it popped perfectly. No left over kernels and it wasn't burnt. Overall, I would say it was a very satisfying first trip.

Tonight I had the most amazing chicken ever. Trader Joe's has these entrees for two--I think I mentioned the Mojito Salmon a while back, if not, I need to. They're in the frozen food section. The first one I tried was the Mojito Salmon which was so flavorful and moist. I never would have known it was a packaged dinner if someone else had made it for me. Well, tonight, I tried Chicken Serenada. Now, first of all, I've never been a huge fan of chicken entrees because, usually, the chicken has no flavor. Chicken sandwiches are one thing, but it takes a lot of effort to make chicken taste good. This, this was effortless and rich and tangy. It was smothered in bell peppers and onions and a Caribe sauce. I love all Mexican and Spanish influenced dishes, so to find some really tasty food in my favorite grocer's freezer section, makes the whole living in Northern California with no decent Mexican restaurants thing more bearable.

So, it's a three day weekend. I just realized this today. So what is happening on this not so eventful holiday? Well, tomorrow Cal is getting their asses kicked by USC. This is almost certain. As long as we don't lose to Stanford, I don't care if we lose to USC. Even though Stanford did magically beat USC at the beginning of October. Oh boy, do we have some shoes to fill. But for me, I shall not be going to the game. Why would I waste 50 bucks to be disappointed. Instead, I shall be watching my Blockbuster rentals and doing some Calculus homework. Hopefully, I'll even find a tutor. I really need one. Calc makes me cry.

I've been counting calories and recording them in a notebook. It's kind of scary how quickly they add up. I'm not exactly eating 2000 calories a day, but still, it's pretty damn intimidating to see them on paper. Though, I could use some salsa and chips right now....but I already added up my calories and I'm not really hungry. No, I can wait until tomorrow. Then again, I did do 45 minutes of dancing this morning.

Che bella savoiardi!

Ok, so I can't speak Italian. I could have told you that. Tonight, however I tried to make Savoiardi again. This time it wasn't a total disaster. They taste nice and spongy and they're pretty looking. The only problem....they're more like Lady Fingers than truly authentic Savoiardi. Well, back to the drawing board with that. Perhaps if added baking powder next time. I don't understand how all these recipes I've looked at can not add baking powder and still claim to be Savoiardi? Well, next time I'll add baking powder. And perhaps a touch of something else. At least these taste pretty amazing. They're just........lady fingers. Nothing more, really. Though they're MUCH better than last time. MUCH better. Did I mention how they were MUCH better? Yeah, I thought I might have.

So the morning Z and L left for BC, I made banana bread. No doubt it was amazing. My banana bread always is fucking awesome. But that picture below, that's all that's left. After 2 days....I had two pieces. Yeah. That's ok. There's always more where that came from.

Tomorrow is friday!! Huzzah! What do I have planned for this weekend? Nothing. But who knows, something may come up. Mostly I plan to read Measure for Measure and work my ass off on Calc. Because that's what's really important right now. All I want is a C in that class. I'm not even going to be picky.

Thanksgiving is coming up, which means so is my 21st birthday. I seriously can't wait. When I get home from Thanksgiving, I'm totally going to Napa for a day or something and getting some wine. That would be awesome. Now if I could find someone to drive me around. That would be even more awesome--though most likely taxing. I shall invite people and see who's interested.

OOH! I almost forgot, I ran into my RA from freshman year in the dorms--which means I haven't seen her since like, May of 06--on Wednesday morning. (Wednesday was a surprisingly good day.) So, anyways, I ran into J and we exchanged numbers and apparently we know a lot of the same people--other that people we had in common before. So I should invite her on my impromptu Napa trip. I think she'd go. And that would be awesome because if she'd go, there's a good chance S would go and I haven't seen S since last May either. It would be good fun. Hopefully L--my favorite roommate ever--would come with us too. She's not 21, but she could be the designated driver. This is starting to sound like a plan.

It's dark and cold

And most of all, it's quiet. Z and L have gone back to BC this week. I don't know when they'll be back. Why is it so much colder when they're gone? Granted the weather has been increasingly colder, but still. The house looks so lonesome. If it could talk, we'd have wonderful conversations about Z and L. Like this morning before they left we were talking about the 8 limbed baby in India who underwent an operation to remove her parasitic twin--scientifically and otherwise, the whole story was amazing. And Z turns from her computer looks at me and says, "I've heard about those cases before where one twin eats the other." Eats....it was quite a moment. And even though it was 7am and I don't consider myself a morning person, I was very glad to be awake that moment.

I'll be your cookie if you'll be my cookiecutter

So today at work we had a holiday cookie contest. I wish I had known before hand, I totally would have entered. And I would have won because the cookies sucked ass. There were your basic chocolate chip and then they had oatmeal cookies and they even had a good effort at biscotti (which was really too soft to be biscotti) and they had an entry that was actually not cookie. I don't think chocolate topped peanut butter rice krispie treats are a cookie. They actually don't require any baking. They did however have a pretty nice shortbread cookie--that was covered in cinnamon and sugar (a bit too much in my taste--shortbread should be simple and effortless looking, because in reality, it's the exact opposite). Still, the shortbread won in my book because the buttery shortbread taste melted in my mouth.

So the woman I work with is amazing: her letter is going to be E. Oh is she amazing. She has a beta in her office called parking lot. After the "official" interview she gave me a tour around the office and in order for me to accept the job, parking lot had to jump at the sight of food. He jumped. At least, I think he did. So I go into work today and I had called on Wednesday, Friday, and Monday asking this company to fax over a packing slip so we had proof that the item was received and we could pay them. Well, guess what, no packing slip today. So she goes up to the person who ordered it, and literally scans the ITEM. So we used a scan of the received item as a packing slip. If you had been there, you would have laughed too. She's this little short woman with a huge smile and these thick glasses enlarge her eyes 10x and she's so animated. It's great. E, you're amazing, and you're right: I never will forget you.

So no tattoo for me...I got a D on my midterm, even with the fucking curve. And after all that effort I put into it...I'm so fucking pissed. This just means I have to do better on the final, that's all. I just need an A on the final to get a B in the class (the final is 45% of your final grade). I'm so fucking screwed. I now have to pay a tutor because I can't use the one at the Student Learning Center because they don't work with my hours--go figure. And the adjunct for the class is during another class and this is getting to the point where I just want to roll up in a ball and admit defeat. But I can't. Because I'm going to be the best doctor ever. I just have to pass these STUPID general ed requirements first. No problem. "This could get interesting." "Define interesting." "Oh god, oh god, we're all going to die."

Holy cow, batman

Did you know there are 770 calories in Jack's Steak and Cheddar Ciabatta Burger?--Just the fucking burger. Yeah.............neither did I. Thank god I worked out this morning.

Jack's in my crack

So I finished reading Much Ado About Nothing (or should I say Much Ado About NOTING) and I finished my anthro paper--go me!--but I have yet to write my Shakespeare paper in utramque partem--that is, on each side of the question, do my calc, or read Hamlet (which I've read before, so not too big of a deal) and Twelfth Night (which I've also read before, but don't particularly remember). It's no more than 1000 words, so about 3-4 pages and it can be about anything that can be argued for or against. I totally wish I could just rewrite my AP Lit paper on Macbeth and the use of witchcraft and superstition, but we're not reading Macbeth. Perhaps I shall be cliche and write on The Merchant of Venice. But I wouldn't write about whether or not Shylock's a villain, because despite the antisemitism, he is. Perhaps I could write about Portia and whether or not she represents women as they were thought of in Elizabethan society. Or not--that may take too much research. I'll just write about Hamlet and whether or not he truly went crazy.

So now that I have finished my Jack in the Box dinner and my caramel macchiato--aren't I the healthy one?--, I think I'll be able to stay awake for another 8 hours. Maybe getting a grande was a mistake....I can already feel the espresso buzz.

The difference between photography and art

These are two examples of photographs I've taken using the auto setting on my camera.....





































This is what happens when I program my own settings:

Now that I've regained my dignity...

I'm pretty sure there's something going on between them, but I don't know what. And that's ok. Because what I also observed, other than his bits of outward affection, was her lack of response. When you're being caressed--not just touched--by a guy like that you don't sit there like it's nothing. 1) How can you when he is who he is?--and yeah, you don't know who he is, but I do, and I can tell you that you can't. 2) That's a total blow to the male esteem. Lack of response to physical contact like that is pretty much saying, "fuck off." She didn't even smile or shudder or sigh. So, I'm going to let it all go. That's all I can do. I can't say, "hey, whatever you feel for her, she's only going to hurt you in the end," because he wouldn't listen. And I definitely can't say that I wouldn't hurt him because I have no idea if he's interested and I'm not sure that I wouldn't. But yeah....that's pretty much my resolution on that front.

Speaking of resolutions, I've decided I want to lose some weight. So I went out tonight and bought a journal to record my habits in and a scale to keep track. I was slightly (read: extremely) trepidatious about stepping on the scale. I haven't exactly done said action in three years or so. But upon doing so, I was relieved to find that I actually weigh 20lbs less than I though. Which is a good thought. I don't have as far to go as I previously believed. So tomorrow, it starts. I have full confidence that I can achieve my goal. Yes, I can. Are those baked goods I smell?

Among making a few resolutions today, I stepped outside as I was heading to the store and realized I need sunshine and fresh air and to be surrounded by life. So, what else was there to do except go to Point Isabel and walk around the dog beach? I love dogs, it's no secret. Animals in general are great, but there's just sometime spectacular about canines. Who ever said animals don't love was a fucking moron. Obviously they've never spent time with a dog in their life. For instance, today while walking along the inlet, I was feeling a bit sad, mostly missing my own dogs--and a bit disappointed about some things that happened last night (don't get me wrong, it was an amazing party, and I had a great time hanging out with everyone, but there was more than just the secret issue that occurred)--so as I walked with my head sagging, up comes this Doberman mix who runs up to me and stops, tongue wagging telling me, "I know you need to pet, so please, pet me." He was right, I did need that. God, I love dogs. I also took some pretty pictures which I've littered throughout the post.

So what else happened last night? Well, a girl who went to high school with me and was friends with this guy, we'll call him T, knew one of my choir friends and showed up. Which was totally fine. She's really a great person, and she's super nice, even though she seems a bit stand-offish before you get to know her. But we were talking about how I took time off and then she said, "Yeah, [T] was worried you wouldn't come back." T...whom I think it should be obvious is someone I've had feelings for...talked about me with her. Worried about me with her. And, I know she's not the only person he's talked to about me. It kind of set off this melancholy that always erupts when I think of him. T can't talk to me, but he can sure talk to other people about me. Fucking ironic. So I may have gotten a bit drunk after this and drunk dialed a friend of mine. He hasn't called back or anything, so maybe he doesn't know it was me. Yeah, that must be it.

Other than that, honestly, the party was fucking great. I had an awesome time. There were awesome drinks and food and people. We danced to music I've pretty much never heard before and laughed and talked. Fan-fucking-tastic. It would have been even better if I never heard her utter T's name. I don't even care about the other thing I talked about earlier that much. Because honestly, I just had such a great time hanging out with him and the others that it didn't matter. He's just a cool person.

Tomorrow--well, now today--is Sunday, I have three plays to read, two papers to write, and still have math to do. Oh fuck, oh fuck, where did the weekend go?

Shitfuck

He's totally with her. I suspected it at the last party. They looked like they had a secret. The secret seemed to spill over tonight. Why does this always happen to me. Fucking hell....now I'm depressed.

God am I good

Probably not, but I did manage to post two days in a row. Though I have to admit, I probably don't have much to say today since there's a party tonight. Hopefully, I'll have some juicy stories or drunk encounters to repeat tomorrow.

I'm kind of tired, and not so sure I want to go to said party. But I'm hoping a certain person will be there--pathetic, I know, but it's a good enough reason for me. And if he does show up I shall drink and crash the night there. If he doesn't, I'll just say I don't feel well and leave early. Good plan, Jane. Of course will I stick to said plan?...who knows. I'd like to drink and crash though because they're having some good stuff and I don't exactly go to a party every weekend. So, moderation is nice. What do I wear? I could wear jeans. I like jeans. But are jeans party clothes? This I wouldn't know. Oh well, I suppose as long as I'm dressed, it's all good.

So I went to class today. I know that's kind of stating the obvious, but after my terrible Wednesday midterm, I felt like taking a day off. I didn't though, and I'm proud of myself. Instead, I went to class and to work and to choir rehearsal smelly and greasy. Ick...not exactly one of my best decisions. Note to self: Shower before party.

You know what I don't like about nail polish? I don't like how you put a base coat on, and then two of color, and then a clear, and by the time you're done you feel like you have six feet of dirt on top of your nails. I don't like that. I'm a minimalist. It's just sooo....soooo....gooey. That's the word. And not a good kind of chocolate chip cookie gooey, it's just tar. I have the weirdest metaphors sometimes.

Did I mention I have a zit....it's not really noticeable because it's on the underside of my chin...but it hurts. Note to self: Hide zit before party.

Happy All Souls Day; New Rule

Seeing as I'm averaging one blog a month, I'm going to insist to myself that I blog once a day. Is this a bit stringent and impractical--well, yeah, but it's ideal. So, hopefully I will be on more. And therefore I will have more to say...and eventually, perhaps, people will even comment. That would be nice.

So, what shall I be talking about in this entry? Let's see: 1) Z and L are home!! Huzzah! 2) the pleasures of baking....and the pains of a disappointing end product. 3) Weekly choir concerts are a bit taxing on my vocal cords. 4) The wonderful world of TV and what you must watch. 5) My new job. 6) Whatever else.

So Z and L have returned. This makes me smile. The house was so dead, the atmosphere too serious and now it feels as if a weight has lifted and a light hath returned. Though, they don't really turn many lights on in reality. Even the Vampire is more personable today. L cooked and did dishes and watched me bake--yeah, we'll get to that in a second--joked and laughed. I swear, they have the greatest laughs. They're always laughing and they're always happy and it's absolutely wonderful to live with people like that. There's so much life in this small house when they're here.

Baking is my favorite stress relieving activity. There's just something satisfying of putting all that effort into something that's so enjoyable by others. I like watching people eat my baked goods. It's very fulfilling. Over the past month, I've made muffins, banana bread, cookies, and other stuff. So tonight, I was feeling daring and wanted a bit more of a challenge. So I decided to go and try to make savoiardi--aka Lady Fingers. I should have listened to my mother when she told me they were hard to make. But did I? No. They didn't rise. Not one bit. I blame the recipe. Because, god dammit, I followed it down to the letter--well, kind of.....I had to convert from grams to cups. So yeah....not a particularly fine moment for me. However, I shall find another recipe and I shall press on. I will. And I will make the most amazing lady fingers ever and not just ones that make subpar milano cookies.....stupid recipe. If only I had a Kitchenaid Proline 600. All my baking problems would be solved. Santa, please bring me one for Christmas.

So, I have endured two grueling weeks of non-stop choir song and dance. I over-exaggerate. We've just had rehearsal every MWF for 2 hours and two concerts on the 19th--which were fun because we were singing Jukebox music--and then we did our part in the Halloween concert on the 28th (the picture of the pumpkin is actually the pumpkin I carved for the Halloween concert because what is a Halloween concert without Jack-o-Lanterns? I didn't like scoop the stuff out though, my friend L did because doing that would have given me a panic attack. Pumpkin insides remind me of placenta and delivering babies for some reason). My larynx is tired because I'm not used to this kind of thing anymore. I used to be because I sang competitively in choir in high school and did honor choir and did professional choir, but I don't do that anymore. Yeah, I should have time to rest it. The next performance isn't until after Thanksgiving. Well, except that I have alto sectionals tomorrow (yeah, I sing like a man, so sue me) and rehearsal every M and W. I guess I shouldn't complain. After all, it's the one place I don't feel like an idiot for singing loudly. Well, there and in my car. God I love singing along to the radio or an awesome CD. Speaking of awesome CDs, Grey's Anatomy Vol. 3 is PARTICULARLY amazing. Indeed it is.

Which brings me to...TV! Should you be watching Grey's Anatomy?--unless you're Sara--OF COURSE YOU SHOULD! Should you be watching Pushing Daisies? DAMN STRAIGHT! And the Office? HELLS YES! So Grey's Anatomy is back and it's a bit slow right now, mostly because we're being introduced to the new interns. But the beginning of most seasons are slow, so I'm not complaining. I do, however, miss Burke--despite the fact Isaiah Washington's a douche bag. On to Pushing Daisies which is now, like, my favorite show ever. It's an ingeniously weird concept that just works. And it has this kick ass Tim Burton feel to it. The music even sounds like it's composed by Danny Elfman--though it's not. Ned's gorgeous and sweet and makes me want a piemaker of my own. And Chuck is adorable. And Kristin Chenoweth plays Olive--and she SINGS, god that woman can sing (she was more than amazing in Wicked, believe me). Oh, and did I mention Chi McBride plays Emerson, a sarcastic, money-driven PI who KNITS. What could be better than a black man that knits? Nothing. Nothing at all. The Office is great too because I heart Jim and Pam. And of course I heart Dwight. Who doesn't?!

I believe we're on the topic of my new job. So I'm an assistant employed by the University but I work in the Plant Gene Expression Center at the USDA because, well, it has to do with funding and because there's funding that's run through us, we have people there. So it's pretty awesome. It's only five minutes from where I live, I get plenty of hours doing really easy work like sorting mail and scanning and organizing documents. I shouldn't say the work is really easy, because it's not, but it's easy for me. Of course, I'm a super-organized work-a-holic. The best part about my job: I make $14 an hour. It's pretty great because it means I can make my car payments. Go me.

Wow, we're now on the last topic...everything else. What else is there? Well, my birthday is coming up on the 21st. I shall be 21. I'm going home for Thanksgiving on the 20th so on the 21st my mom and I plan to get shitfaced or something like that. Apparently, my mom's really excited that I'm now legally allowed to drink. I think it's because this means I can pay for the drinks....there's always an ulterior motive. Hmmm, is there anything else. Well, other than the fact that I've recently found myself enamored by a certain member of the opposite sex. Luckily it's not the same person as last time, so in that respect, I'm good....it's still rather obnoxious that I find myself thinking about him at random times. Life would be so much less complicated if I could just take a pill and not feel this anymore--though I think I'd miss this feeling if it did disappear. Oh and I totally bombed my Calculus midterm on Wednesday. That's ok, though, so did everyone else, which means I should still get a B. Also, that picture to your right. The one you're drooling all over. Those are the most amazing cookies ever. Made by me. See, I can bake.

My shampoo smells like __________.

Grapefruit. Well, my shampoo doesn't, but my conditioner does. I have to admit, when it comes to shampoo and body wash, it's really the citrus stuff I like. Not that I want to smell like food. Because, honestly, I hate the idea of smelling like gingerbread cookies or mom's caramel apple pie, but there's something genuinely refreshing about grapefruit. It speaks to me. In the shower I hear it whispering, "Hey, wake your ass up before you slip and die" or sometimes, "If you could sing any more off key, the CIA would track you down for an attempted assassination attempt." But when you roll out of bed and you're still groggy, all you really hear are mumbled versions of this. Is it just me, or is grapefruit really sassy?

So I haven't blogged in a while. Why is this? Well, mostly, it's lack of pictures. I like illustrations to go with my prose. It makes everything so much more friendly. Perhaps if I got off my ass and changed the batteries in my camera once in a while and used it....I would blog more. Yeah, I'm sure motivation will find me once again. Just, honestly, I feel like my life is so mundane at times that there's nothing to blog about. Which of course, is a total load of bullshit. Plenty happens in my life. Perhaps not as much as what happens in other people's lives, but I have a story and maybe someday people will hear it.

So what has happened in my life? Well, I auditioned for the Respect solo. Still haven't heard anything even after a second audition. I'm not worried. I totally pwned. That or I'm delusional. If only I had a Simon Cowell. Well, maybe not, because then I'd go to prison for attempted murder and first degree assault. But yeah...I'm hoping for the verdict tomorrow. Supposedly, it's supposed to go to two people since we're performing two shows that night....supposedly.

Well, I have another mid-term coming up, which means some baking is definitely underway. I made some banana bread and--I'm not boasting, this is pure fact--it was the best banana bread EVER made. In the history of man. And of course, I made some quiche. Went for a Mexican flavor instead of more of a Southwest flavor because--well, markets up here suck. Still no chorizo to be found, but I used cubed steak, onions, bell peppers, portabella mushrooms and a packet of burrito seasoning to spice things up a bit because my spices are limited up here. But it was really amazing. I wish I took a picture. There's still 3/4 left....so I could take a picture if I weren't lazy. Yeah, not going to happen. Maybe tomorrow. Then I'll have a reason to blog tomorrow. Anyways, I had it with some pineapple and peach salsa and avocado. It was superb.

Talking to my mom as I write this. Apparently, my license plates arrived in the mail today! My first license plates!! I feel like such an adult. I don't get them until I go home for Thanksgiving though--my mom's too cheap to mail them I guess. Whatever. I can wait. *twiddles thumbs* I can.

I have a head on my dresser

Ok, it's not a real head. It's a glass head. But when I saw it at pier one, I had to have it, though. The cashiers must have thought I was crazy. I carried it around under my arm as I looked around the rest of the store, adjusting it at times. I even took it out and talked to it. Perhaps not something a normal person would do with a glass head... but when have I ever claimed to be normal. Now I must think of a name for it.

If you look at it carefully, you'll notice that they added to much of the glass and it settled on the right-top side. When I noticed this I was really pissed and was actually going to take it back. But then I figured, wouldn't it be interesting if the glass head had brain damage? So she does. So the name must correspond to the fact that she is glass and has brain damage. God, I HATE naming things. Where's a John Shepherd when you need one?

I'm getting a cold. I hate colds. Because I was cursed at infancy with asthma, I have a slightly weak immune system and I get sick all the time. And of course, it's harder to get well. So yeah, I'm drinking soup and tea and staying hydrated and pretty much sleeping whenever possible. But this really interferes with me having a good time when I go home this weekend. Though my puppy's sick too--she has a yeast infection in her ear, poor baby--so we'll just have to curl up together and make my mom take care of us. After all, that's what moms are for...right? Or is it just to bitch at you and make you feel like shit....well, my mom does both...at the same time.

We're singing Respect in choir and there's a solo up for grabs...well, if someone's capable of holding the solo. I think I am. Hopefully he doesn't audition for it this week so that I'm not sick and miss out on the opportunity because of it. I could totally hold that solo.

So a few days ago, I decided I would make a southwestern quiche. So on Saturday I went out to buy ingredients so I could make it the next morning. Only problem, I couldn't find a local grocer that carries Chorizo. How am I supposed to make Southwestern quiche without Chorizo?!? Why don't they carry it? How can people in Northern Cali not like Mexican food enough to stock it? Yeah, I was pissed. So here's my sub-par--though delicious--quiche. It has red, yellow, and orange bell peppers; onions; and a mixture of some more prominent tasting cheeses. Would have been better with Chorizo. *grumbles*

Screw you guys, I'm going home

So much has happened this past week....well, it's been more than a week, but I'm pretty time deficient. I shall make up for it by my usual comical, egotistical rants and maybe a pretty picture or two *ooohs and ahhhs*.

Z and L have officially left as of last Saturday. It's quiet, V is hiding in her cave and has managed to remain vigilantly creepy. The truth is, without their normal buzzing chatter and the smell of their cooking all day long, I have spiraled into a depression (note: this could also be due to a certain monthly visitor, but I shall blame it on being abandoned instead of my genes). There's no one here to talk to, my friends live 5 miles or more away and I can't talk to my mom because she's a needy bitch. Z and L, if you read this: hurry. Or you may find me three weeks later, half eaten by wild dogs.

In 58 days I will be 21. This is not an occasion to cheer. Well, I guess it would be if I were a wino--which may eventually come into being. However, this burgeoning day has brought into sharp realization all the things I missed out on in life by being so mature and goal oriented. 1) I never partied...nope, never got sloshed with a group of underage youngsters I couldn't stand unless inebriated. 2) I've never done a single illegal substance. No weed, no coke, no e. Then again, I never really wanted to, so why I'm complaining about this, I have no idea. 3) I've never had crazy drunken sex, which would refer back to number 1. I guess, however, there's still plenty of time for this. After all, I'm still a college student.

So last Saturday I went to the Cal vs. Tennessee game. Want to know a secret: it was my first collegiate football game. And it was fricken awesome. I don't even like football, but something about being amongst my fellow school mates, rooting to see Tennessee get their asses handed to them, I realized what I've been missing out on. Next year, I'm going for the season passes.

Then before that on last Tuesday--at least I think it was Tuesday--I went to see Sweeney Todd. If you aren't familiar with the musical, let me tell you a bit about it. It's set in turn of the century London. Sweeney Todd was sent to prison by the Judge of the town because the Judge wanted his wife, so Sweeney escapes from a prison years later and returns hoping to find his wife and child are safe and haven't fallen prey to the Judge. Well, he finds out his wife has died and decided to exact his revenge by killing the Judge and his minion by posing as a barber and cutting their throats with his sheers. I won't tell you the rest, because you must see it. Anyways, Angela Lansbury was in the original cast as Mrs. Lovett--the women who owns the shop below the room Sweeney is renting. The woman playing Mrs. Lovett at ACT in SF sounds JUST LIKE her!! It was uncanny. But, yes, the production was amazing and they did so much without a moving set. It was brilliant. If you live in the bay area, I encourage you to see it. If not, well, Tim Burton's movie version is coming out this Christmas staring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. It's my favorite dramatic musical, so you can bet I'll see the movie at least 10 times in theaters. Oh an Alan Rickman in is it too...amazing casting.

Oh, did I mention, to get to Sweeney Todd, I had to drive over the Bay Bridge--for the first time. I am officially an Easy Bay-er now. I still don't know if it was worth the $4, but I'll definitely do it again, because I want to roam around Treasure Island some weekend. Though, next time I will not drive through SF...I couldn't find the theatre for the life of me. Driving in such a busy city sucks. I shall park by Ghirardelli Square and walk or take the trolley.

I have a Calculus test on Monday. It could be interesting. (Define interesting....Oh god, oh god, we're all going to die.) So I've been studying, well, trying to study, while watching South Park S1 & 2 and movies like Se7en and Serenity--because I had to go out and buy the collector's edition...yeah. I buy it once for $21 then I spend another $21 for the extra bonus feature. What can I say, Joss Whedon is my master now.

You want another pretty picture, don't you? Ok, here's one of the best pizza ever made--well, second best because the one I made after this was even better. It's a caramelized onion and portabella mushroom pizza with sun dried tomato alfredo sauce. The better one had hummus mixed in with the sauce and had bellpeppers too. I should totally drop out of school and open a gourmet pizza parlor. (Excuse the blurriness, my camera is crap-tastic).

Irresolute

I wasn't going to blog tonight because I have so much to do, but I need to get a few things off my chest.

1) Whoever you are Emily, I have no idea what Kalissa means. She is not I. I am not she. If you're going to comment, say something. It's really driving me insane.

2) Z and L are leaving for a bit--they're going to be gone this week and possibly the next--and I'm left alone with V! Somebody save me!!

3) I hate time. Shakespeare you were wrong. You can't beat time, even by procreation. Because eventually, time rips everything you once knew to pieces and you must start anew. Maybe I should let her experience things. We've had our rough patches before. And it's not like I don't have new friends. I'm scared I lose her and with her I will lose a part of myself. This is why I used to not invest in people. I'm not that cold, however. Being alone is an awful waste.

I just read that last passage and I realized I sounded like a lesbian. I'm not. Just have to clarify that. She's just a friend.

Strolling Solano

So dinner went well last night. About four my favorite housemates, Z and L (the two cute Chinese gals I mentioned in the last blog), asked me if I wanted to go with them to the Asian market. Seeing as I love the Asian culture and I'm always thirsty for new experience, I obliged. So we walked the mile to the market. At least I think it was about a mile. Next time I'll get my pedometer out to make sure. Anyways, so we walked down there and I must admit there were so many things I've never seen or tried before. So I took in pretty much everything. I wish I had my camera. Next time I will bring my camera. There were bean cakes and sweets and all the labels were in Japanese and Chinese and Vietnamese and the like and then we got to the meat section. I've never seen so much on the shelf. You had your typical cuts, or course. And then there were novelties such as pork brains--which L laughed at me for oogling over.

"Do you eat them?" she asked.
"No, they're just so awesome looking," I said, still dazed at seeing brains in a disposable container.
She laughed.

They, of course, had things that we in America would throw away and consider not edible--even if they could be used in some manner. It amazes me how thrifty and conscious people everywhere else are. They had live seafood too! Lobster and clams and mussels. The only thing that got to me was the smell of the fresh fish laying out on the ice. I don't think it was too fresh after sitting there all afternoon.

Then we went over the the Chinese food buffet in the store and got some dinner. We got flour noodles and rice noodles and rice and eggplant and Szechuan chicken and fried shrimp--which I couldn't eat because their heads were still attached...I found it very odd--and squid and tofu skin and ginger chicken. Let me tell you, this wasn't Panda Express. This was real Chinese food--though I'm sure I could find better quality somewhere else.

So we brought it home on the mile long journey. Z and L kept asking me if I had heard of this or tried that. To most of it, I said no. I've never felt so American in all my life. I thought I've lived a brave life so far and tried to incorporate as much into it as possible. It made me realize how much life I have left to live and how much I've yet to do.

Anyways, on the walk home I flirted with a cute tattooed guy and then I tripped in front of the same cute tattooed guy and made myself look like an idiot. And we got home around five. So we were only gone an hour, though I took in so much that it felt like it had been four.

Once we came home and forced the Vampire--I shall call her V--out of her room the environment wasn't as joyous. Z and L are really sweet and easy to get along with, but V just isn't. She's too much of a hermit and seems pretty self-righteous to me. Of course I wouldn't know because she's only said maybe ten words to me since I've moved in.

Yet, despite her cold presence at the table things between me Z and L still stayed pretty chatty and friendly. They asked me about school and continued to probe me for cultural experiences. They laughed when I shuddered at the idea of eating the head of the shrimp--and later at Z's like of fish heads--and they shuddered when I described Czernina--a Polish soup made from duck blood. It was altogether pleasant except for V. She soon retreated back to her den though. Apparently the liveliness was too much for her.

Today I slept in, didn't really do any homework--which I shall feel the wrath of tomorrow. I contemplated going straight to the Solano Stroll this morning, but I felt alone and bored and, of course, depressed because I was bored. So at 2, I decided I wanted to go and I wasn't going to sit around a miss the opportunity to experience life. Yay me! And since I had such a great time with them on Saturday, I invited Z and L with me.

So we walked the two miles (maybe even more) to Solano on the Ohlone Greenway which runs under the Bart. When we got to Solano about fourty minutes later, it was still packed. There was so much to take in. They had bands playing and interesting things to see. And of course there was food and drinks and stuff for sale. It was pretty great. I took some pictures. I'm getting tired, so perhaps it's just best to look at them. I don't think I could adequately describe the excitement. Stroll Album.

Rhizopus has claimed my Naan

Despite my ear ache and the noises of the freeway and the wind battering my windows, I must admit, I slept wonderfully last night. I was nice and warm--though by no means too warm--and I slept a deep and dreamless sleep...well, for most of the night. So I awoke this morning with the belief that the luck of such a good night's rest would carry through into the late morning. Did it? Not really. I go to make the world's greatest sandwich at 10:30am this morning--I make sandwiches on weekends instead of eating breakfast; I'm weird--and I discover the naan I was going to smother hummus on top of had been claimed by bread mold. Well, you know what, rhizopus, fuck you! So I used the sub-par bread that while good in nourishment and virtue is no naan and doesn't taste good with hummus. Instead of having the world's greatest sandwich, I was forced to have...a sandwich. I can't complain, for mine are better than most, and it was satisfying none the less. But it was just a sandwich.

Now what does the world's greatest sandwich consist of, you might ask? Well, it is this: A piece of Tandoori naan cut in half and smothered on one side with Mediterranean hummus, on the other side with Wasabi Mayonnaise. I then lay once piece of the cheese of my liking--this time it was cheddar--onto the side with the mayo and I pile a few pieces of deli meat--or even left over meat from last night's roast--onto the side with the hummus. Lay one piece on top of the other, top it off with a red plum and some diet coke and you've got yourself one hell of a meal.

Tonight I'm having dinner with my house mates. Two of them are these awesome Chinese gals who are older than me, but great none the less, and the other is a 60 year old nursing student/recluse who kind of scares me. I'm sure she's a good person, she's just creepy and not very friendly. At least to me, she isn't. And I've never seen her act very friendly toward my other house mates either. Maybe she's a vampire. It's a possibility.

We have Mormons!!

So today after staring at Mr. Zexy in anthro, I skipped on home to chow down some lunch. I was going to stay on campus until choir sectionals at 4:15, but I was hungry and there really wasn't much to do since I didn't have my computer. So I came home, talked to mom and Sara a bit and realized...shit, I haven't even begun to take notes on my Calc book. And since Calculus and I are officially back on, I suppose I owe him that much. So I sit down and begin to take notes. Well, 5 minutes later, I make some space on my bed to curl up and take notes. I have an ear ache and it's cold and windy here and, well, I'm the curl up in bed kind of person. (Yes, I'm the type of person who wears PJs all the time at home, and looks like hell most of the time too, because I'm really low maintenance. Go me!) This was at 2pm. At 3:55, I wake up, my face squashed against my calc book--see, he likes to spoon, it's the perfect relationship--and realize I should have left at least 10 minutes ago for sectionals. So I get to sectionals ten minutes late. Luckily, I was still marked as being there and no one said anything.

Overall, choir sectional was amazing. I miss singing so much and I'm so glad I've finally got involved in that aspect. We're singing some pretty awesome songs right now. Respect, God Only Knows, Moon River, You Are the Sunshine of my Life, I Got Rhythm, and Can't Take My Eyes Off You. The theme for the concert is Jukebox and it works. What's even better is: I CAN STILL READ MUSIC! Oh yeah! Still, I'm going to take a musicianship class through the Choral Organization. Can't decide if I should take the beginner class--as a refresher--or if I should just take Intermediate. I may take both for the hell of it. It'll give me something to do and kill time since the days it's offered are right before Choral rehearsal! Less time to be bored and mindless, the better. I like being busy, what can I say.

On the other side of the club/organization front, I've been contemplating if I should join the Tennis Club or the Cooking Club. Tennis club is cheaper, but I've never actually played tennis--which they say isn't a problem. Hmmm...don't know about that. I'm leaning toward the cooking club because there I won't have to ask, "Do I look like a fat ass on the court?" since cooking has to do with loving food. And I love food. Decisions, decisions. I could go survey what some of the tennis club members look like on Monday and if I don't feel comfortable, I'll just do the Cooking Club. Why am I doing this to myself? I'll do both. Who cares what people think of my ass!?

Anyways, back to the real reason I'm posting. When I got home from sectionals today I noticed something wedged in the door frame. And this is what it was: A MORMON TRACT! I love it! My hometown is full of Mormans, and though I don't agree with them religiously, they're some of the most awesome people I know. This is SO exciting!! I shall treasure this forever!

Odd conversations on campus

So I'm walking to my car after a particularly good Calculus discussion in which I understood everything but the last four minutes--if you were there, you'd be just as lost. Anyways, back to the important part of my subject: I was walking down to my car and I passed what I assume was a gaggle of grad students all chattering in pairs like most graduate students who deem themselves very important and I hear this odd snippet of conversations, "I was thinking of using the crowbar, but the impact would be too [and this is the part where his voice fades]." Now, it is very easy to make assumptions on such a vague quote, and you know what they say about assumptions. But if you don't, here's a refresher: When you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME. However, as I am already an ass most of the time, here's my take on it: You have a very pompous grad student (given). My guess is he's a Literature major or something of the sort (assumed because of the direction he was coming from). So obviously he was writing a book--probably some murder mystery if my other assumption is correct. But the thing that really makes me proud is that he could have accepted that the crowbar was a decent--if not inventive--way to kill someone, however, he contemplated like it really matter. And that is why I go to a prestigious university.

Oh, calc, I love to loath thee, and I yearn to love thee

Well, at least one relationship in my life seems to be making some headway. Last Friday, I had quite the argument with Calculus. He could not explain epsilon-delta limits and their purpose in dummy speak for the life of him. While this may seem like nothing to most, I can't stand it. It seems like he's always trying to speak over me. So, needless to say, the argument didn't end well. In fact, it ended with me shouting, "Fuck you, Calculus," and slamming the book shut on his pale face. Well today, he was very eager to get back into my good graces. He was so eager, that he picked a topic he knew we could enjoy together. So, after careful consideration I've decided, pending how he behaves Friday, we're back on.

First day of choral rehearsal was today. It went well. It's surprising how much I miss singing. I never thought it played such an important part in my life, but indeed, it does. And it fills up some of the empty spaces of my schedule, which is even better! And next, I have a tennis club meeting! Go me! I love being involved and feeling like I'm more than brains and time.

In other news. I don't know if it's just a so cal thing, but I'm a total vans whore and this will never change--no matter my change in location. So in honor of my good mood, here's a picture of my prides of joy!

2am, 3am, 4am, 5

I can't sleep. I feel tired. I get exhausted and lay myself to sleep. But it's not that simple. The sound from the neighbors and the cars and the freeway and the train and the night life don't wake me. Perhaps it's this voice inside of me screaming, "this isn't home." Well, no, it's not home, but I suppose home will have to wait. I don't remember having this kind of trouble in the dorms. Maybe back then I was just so emotionally exhausted that I didn't pay any heed.

So I woke up an hour early this morning. It actually gave me more time to get ready. I even blow dried my hair and put make up on *le gasp!* Though I'm not quite sure if there's any point in wearing make up here. As I trudge the far spread campus, beads of sweat wash it away. Especially this morning.

It's a cool morning outdoors. I even deemed it necessary to wear a light sweater. But once I stepped inside Mulford, it became so warm that the heavy air weighed down my chest and choked all the cool breath out of me. It's so f-ing hot in here. I keep staring at the door. Ten minutes left. Perhaps I shall escape a few moments early. I have to meet Lydia to bring her my leg warmers anyways....yes, indeed. I think in a few moments I shall skieve off the remaining few minutes of Shakespeare in this copper kettle.